Notes on PTSD

Notes on PTSD

I was asked “How has PTSD changed my views about myself”?

How indeed? In the beginnings I learned to trust less, doubt more, and hide from trouble and confusion.

I became less confident in my choices, in my abilities, my art, and my love.

I learned to be stronger in myself over time, until the next trauma knocked me down again.

Pulling myself back up time after time, dusting myself back off (frayed around the edges and missing pieces of my heart), putting one proverbial and physical foot in front of the other, I search continuously for the “right” way to go, and the “rightness” of new choices.

Some days I feel like a wise old sage… Others days are spent teetering on the edge of a dark abyss. Life is full of history, mystery, and presents.

I feel lazy, like a slug, a couch potato, and yet I feel too busy to think. I am the calm eye in the center of the storm, while also being the circling howling frantic winds of the hurricane.

I am strong and capable…

I am weak and hopeless…

I fear nothing, and yet stand shaking with terror.

My thoughts swirl in a metaphorical whirlpool, disappear into nothingness, and become calm and empty.

And then, add all this to the diagnosis of ADD, and sometimes it is hard to take a step forward out of fear,

but then I barge ahead like a bull in a china closet knocking over anything in my path.

Am I coming or going, or simply standing still? I’ve always been on the move jumping from subject to subject and place to place, until recently.

In the here and now, I find myself in this new place of holding still, being quiet, waiting for the winds of Heaven to dance through my soul and show me a path. 

I am Human. I am Woman.

Published by Starlisa Black Photography

My mother taught me to love the world around me… and if I can help others to see with new eyes by showing that beauty through photography. I have accomplished my hearts goal . Husum, WA is my childhood home and I consider home to be anywhere from Mount Adams to the Columbia River. I give thanks to my parents for their love for Nature and God. Starlisa.smugmug.com My work can be found online in full on Flickr, and while I am not set up to sell on that site, if you find a print of any size or style you wish to inquire about simply email me and I can send you a price list of prints by themselves or framed or mounted on foam core, gallery wraps, and standouts. I also license my photos for use in magazines, travel brochures and for web site use, and have been published several times. During the summer I am often at Saturday Market in Trout Lake or Hood River with my Note Cards and Prints You can also find me on Google as Darlisa Black, and on Facebook as Starlisa Black Photography www.flickr.com/photos/starlisa Starlisa.Black@gmail.com Thank you for Viewing…

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